A Day in the Life

Every day a different life,

A different job, a different strife.

With every day that I get old,

A new piece of me retold.

Name:
Location: River Grove, Illinois, United States

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Today, a Sociologist

In honor of Gender and Sexuality in my Sociology class, I'm devoting this post to something close to all of our hearts. As I walk around campus, I notice a group of people which seems to grow ever steadily. It may just be the fact that I've never payed attention to it, or it may be the way society has changed over the years. Or maybe it's just the fact that the gays draw all the attention away with their popped collars and strangely colored polos. Perhaps even it could be the capri pants they wear (yes, the guys). The group I'm talking about is the virgins. Not the regular I-just-struck-out-too-many-times virgins; I mean the soon-to-be-40-year-old virgins.

I've compiled a list of traits and comparisons one could use to identify these people. Use at your own discrection; I don't want to hear that the powers of evil have gotten hold of this.

If you see a guy on the quad with a collared shirt - virgin.
If you see a guy on the quad without a shirt - not a virgin.

If you hear someone discussing sorting techniques regarding computers - virgin.
If you hear someone discussing sorting techniques regarding alcohol - not a virgin.

If you hear a girl bragging about kissing boys at parties - virgin.
If you hear a girl bragging about kissing girls at parties - not a virgin.

If you see someone who's excited to buy whipped cream - virgin.
If you see someone who feels awkward buying whipped cream - not a virgin.

If you hear someone giggle when the number 69 is said - virgin.
If you see someone space out when the number 69 is said - not a virgin.

If you see a guy bring pepperspray to class - virgin.
If you see a guy bring pepperspray to a restaurant - not a virgin.

If you see a girl wearing guy's athletic shorts to class - virgin.
If you see a girl wearing sweatpants to class - not a virgin.
(You all know what kind of sweats I'm talking about.)

If you see someone wearing a soccer jersey to class - virgin.
If you see someone wearing a football jersey to class - not a virgin.

If you see someone wearing a turban - virgin.
If you see someone wearing a toga - not a virgin.

If anyone has any addendums to this list, I would much appreciate if you left them in the wonderful comments section. Or just scream them really, really loudly. That works too.

7 Comments:

Blogger Annie said...

"If you see someone who's excited to buy whipped cream - virgin.
If you see someone who feels awkward buying whipped cream - not a virgin."

I think you might have mixed those up - shouldn't they be the other way around?

Also, I still giggle at the number 69...so umm...your theory doesn't hold true in that respect haha.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Annie said...

Hmmm...my previous comment only shows up if one were to click on post a comment...hmm...

7:42 AM  
Blogger HKNorla said...

If you see someone in line who's blatantly awkward, obviously not a virgin. Anyone else just has to be.

Secondly, you're a stupid baby. :)

8:02 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

haha, Nick....you are someone I know....or knew...or have known...or will be knowing.

This blog is amusing.

Peace.

10:20 AM  
Blogger George said...

You just redeemed my Thursday.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Nadirah said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Nadirah said...

If a female purchases Preparation H- virgin.
If a female purchases the pill-not a virgin.

9:39 PM  

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